Unpacking My Baggage.

The story of how my diagnosis came to be, is one that very few people know the whole of besides my husband, until now...

Growing up my step-father was a raging alcoholic. My Mom and I were both abused, while she got the brunt of it. I think we both broke in different ways. We moved around a great deal. A lot of things got lost, broken, or left behind along the way. So many places and tubs became a catch all of things important that were saved yet never used. Never unpacked, or found in the obscure box they were shoved into. It's only recently I've been finally working through those things. Finding proper homes for that worth keeping, and moving on from what was not. I've cleared through a ridiculous amount of storage from my childhood. Sold vintage toys on Ebay, burned old love letters, found homes for precious trinkets.

A few items bring back precious memories, other items acting as the only proof of an event's existence. I've recently began sorting through an old jewelry box, my latest project. I have an updated more functional version to organize my jewelry better, and I have another on my 'to purchase' list to assist even more. I have a habit of collecting pressed pennies from places I go. They got their own drawer. Some of the trips I remember well. Some trips the copper trinket serves as the only convincing element that I was ever there.

I document my life meticulously now, especially moments of importance. My memory is terrible due to having multiple sclerosis. It's one of my most affected areas of brain damage.

It's safe to say that over time we all become a different person. We grow, mature, make mistakes, and ultimately become a summation of our experiences. What happens though when you can't remember the experiences you're a summation of?

To Drown a Fish...

Got my Christmas presents from Chris in the mail yesterday. So far i've only opened Exploding Kittens, but it looks really fun. I can't wait to play it with Chris later.

Speaking of animals and Christmas, I never did mention what we got the critters.

Funds were tight, so we couldn't get the animals much. We got Daisy a big bag of peanut butter dog treats. She loves her some peanut butter. They almost look like Nutter Butters. Her cookie jar was getting low. Now it's full to the top again.

We got Tux one of those fishing pole type cat toys. He could chase whatever's on the end of that string all day. He gets so tired out eventually because he tries so hard. Eventually I just let it lay on the floor and he'll entertain himself with it. This one has a fish on the end, and for some reason he keeps putting it in their water dish. At first I thought he did it on accident, and I took it out and let it dry, but he keeps doing it. It's kind of gross. I'm not sure if he's trying to drown it or what.

One of the things I got Chris for Christmas is a fidget tactile toy. It's great for stress, anxiety, and quitting smoking. I really like it too, it's hard not to steal from him. I generally have a hairband around my wrist to fidget with, but this is far superior. I've been looking at them on Amazon and already have planned to get a few more. They're really cool and work really well. The one I got him is something like this if you're interested.

The first night we had it he was playing with it most of the night, and then left it in his pants' pocket. Daisy of course fished it out and used it as a chew toy. It's a simlar texture as some of her toys. She broke about three links on it, but luckily it snaps apart so it wasn't too hard to fix. Chris was heart broken at first because he thought it was ruined already. They're really affordable, and there's lots of variations of tactile, stress, and fidget toys available online. They work wonders for anxiety, seriously. Check them out.

Meatloaf

Today's been stressful. I'm not even entirely sure why. Chris is all stressed out too. Ever have one of those days where stress is just in the air for no particular reason?

I'm one of those people that cleans when I'm stressed out. I'm not entirely sure why. It's just what I do. Normally I focus on one area or room, but my organizing today was super scatter brained. I did some in the bedroom, TV room, and kitchen. All impressive improvements which is nice. At least my anxiety is productive.

Got my wedding program ready to give to my grandmother's brother. He was going to print them for us since he owns a print shop. I just found out he can only do black & white. So much for that. So we ran out to Wally World and got paper, a new stapler, and staples. My printer is currently getting one hell of a work out, and then I'm going to work on putting these puppies together. I'm already sad for my hands.

Tux has been super energetic today. Dashing from one room to another. Mostly inspired by a fly he's been fascinated with. Anyone know why cats make clicky noises at bugs? Is it like dolphin sonar for cats?

I wish I had half of the energy he does. He's currently being a meatloaf cat. Sometimes when he sits somewhere and he's annoyed he looks like a pan of meatloaf. It's pretty amusing.

Time to stop procrastinating and get these programs done. If I don't blog for a few days the pile has taken me captive.