Fawn

I saw this this morning and I can totally relate to it:

Chris says that's giving my grace too much credit, dick.

The Never Ending 'Flu'

Ever lay awake in bed with a thought so poignant it just begs to be written down? That's what this blog post is.

The weather has been insane here lately. It's been an unseasonably warm winter. Thunderstorms when there should be snowstorms. It goes from near 80 degrees one day, to 40 the next. 

As a result everyone's getting sick. Acute illnesses are no fun, and it's damn near expected to be down and out from them. Most people hide in bed, or gravitate to an area most comfortable. Stay in comfortable clothing, eat comfort foods, and skip out on any current responsibilities. It's not only tolerated by others, it's expected and encouraged. Why? Because being sick sucks. You want to be as comfortable as possible, and do as little as possible. Anything to ease the discomfort. Anything to speed recovery.

It's a Good Day for a Nap...

Chris is off to work already today. He had less than eight hours between his shifts. He didn't get much sleep, and I got even less sleep.

There's a serious nap in my future.

Started off the day straightening up around the house. I lost my balance picking up laundry and tipped over onto my ass. Chris heard the thud and asked if I was okay. The only thing really hurt being my pride I told him I was, but that he needed to get up and get ready for work. I'm pretty sure he wound up being a few minutes late, but in all fairness no one should really be scheduled like that.

Daisy and Tuxington are already settled in on the couch napping together. Daisy's snoring away. They're so stinking cute. But it just makes me want to settle in for a nap all the more.

Unpacking My Baggage.

The story of how my diagnosis came to be, is one that very few people know the whole of besides my husband, until now...

Growing up my step-father was a raging alcoholic. My Mom and I were both abused, while she got the brunt of it. I think we both broke in different ways. We moved around a great deal. A lot of things got lost, broken, or left behind along the way. So many places and tubs became a catch all of things important that were saved yet never used. Never unpacked, or found in the obscure box they were shoved into. It's only recently I've been finally working through those things. Finding proper homes for that worth keeping, and moving on from what was not. I've cleared through a ridiculous amount of storage from my childhood. Sold vintage toys on Ebay, burned old love letters, found homes for precious trinkets.

A few items bring back precious memories, other items acting as the only proof of an event's existence. I've recently began sorting through an old jewelry box, my latest project. I have an updated more functional version to organize my jewelry better, and I have another on my 'to purchase' list to assist even more. I have a habit of collecting pressed pennies from places I go. They got their own drawer. Some of the trips I remember well. Some trips the copper trinket serves as the only convincing element that I was ever there.

I document my life meticulously now, especially moments of importance. My memory is terrible due to having multiple sclerosis. It's one of my most affected areas of brain damage.

It's safe to say that over time we all become a different person. We grow, mature, make mistakes, and ultimately become a summation of our experiences. What happens though when you can't remember the experiences you're a summation of?

Corpse Bridezilla

Today has been much more eventful already than I expected it to be. My hair has gotten really thin from chemotherapy and my other medications. What isn't falling out, some of it is breaking. My side pony tail isn't as long as I'd like it to be for the wedding, and this is my princess fairy tale day after all.

So, I decided to do something I never saw myself as being girly/diva enough to do. Get hair extensions. It'll make my hair extra pretty for the wedding, and whenever else I feel like being a princess.

Off-Balance

Today's been a busy day. Started it off putting my beef in the crock pot. I used a Hawaiian BBQ sauce, half a can of Pepsi, salt, and pepper. I put it on low for eight hours. I'm hoping it gets good because we've never used this flavor of BBQ before, and when I opened it later to check on it the BBQ smelled questionable. We'll see.

Tux created yet another disastrous mess out of his litter today. On the suggestion of a friend I removed the liner from his litter pan. Hoping that makes a difference. Otherwise I may need to go out and purchase a different style box.

We got our wedding programs back, cut, from my grandmother's brother. They look nice. I'm pretty proud of them. They took me awhile, but saved us some money.

Free Candy

Tux tried to get a shower with me, and he quickly learned that he had made a huge mistake and promptly ran away.

Watched The Flash for a bit and made fish sticks, mushroom rice, and southern style butter beans for dinner. Ran out to the store with Chris. Now he's playing Fallout. We preordered Fallout 4 ages ago and the strategy guide. He's really excited for it to come out, but I told him no playing it until after the wedding and honeymoon. Otherwise, he's going to be completely distracted and that would suck.

It's soon only 21 days (three weeks) until the wedding. I still need to write the hand fasting ceremony. Probably do that tomorrow. I'm certain there's something silly we're going to totally forget about. Unity candle and no lighter, something. Hopefully nothing too serious. Luckily if it is the lighter we forget Chris generally has like six of them in his pockets.

Imaginary Arguments

Today was my neurology appointment. Somehow we overslept and were almost late. Luckily my grandmother called and woke us up at about twenty of ten. My appointment was for ten. I never got dressed so quick. I'm not sure if I turned off the alarm and just don't remember it, or if the batteries are dying on the clock and it never actually beeped.

We got there on time though. My neurologist was running late though as usual. Where his office is positioned it's a decent walk and my ankle was killing me the entire time. Later when I came home I discovered I forgot to take my meds last night before bed. That'll do it. I've been really bad with that lately, especially my blood thinner injections. I need to do better. Chris used to be really good about reminding me which was helpful. I need to set an alarm on my tablet for it or something.

Long time, no blog!

It has been quite some time since I posted a blog. I just recently realized how much I missed it, and what a tool it could be for reaching out to others. Life has changed a great deal since I last blogged. While I won't recap the past two years in a long daunting post, I'll give you the highlights, and work some of the details in in bits and pieces of future posts.

I've been diagnosed with an asinine immune system. Okay, so that's not really a diagnosis, but it's the basic gist. After a ton of trial and error with treatments and a near death experience I'm going to Jefferson University Hospital now to work on figuring things out.

 Current diagnosis is Multiple Sclerosis and Rheumatoid Arthritis.

The MS diagnosis made a lot of weird things my body was doing finally make sense. My brain is a hot mess. At least now that I know why certain things are happening I can cope with them more appropriately. I plan on sharing my battle with chronic illness in intimate detail with you all in hopes of connecting with others going through it.

My weekly nightmare of filling meds!

In happy and exciting news, I'm engaged!

I know, I can hardly believe it either. Haha. I'm getting married in less than a month.

Crunch time is on. I'm actually going for my billionth dress fitting in a few hours.

Hard to believe I get to marry this sexy beast, if he doesn't murder me later for using this picture.

Another addition to our little family is a cat we adopted, Tux. My fiance is a cat person and Daisy's vet was fostering him. One thing led to another, and now I have a biscuit maker in my house. He is rather adorable though.

And a bit crazy, but he fits in well. I thought I was extremely clever when I named him Tux. Turns out he's actually a Tuxedo cat. Not so clever, but still fitting.

Daisy is as adorable and spoiled as ever. She's quite in love with the cat. They have regular hardcore wrestling matches in the kitchen.

So, there's a taste of what's going on in my life and what you can expect to be reading about in the future. For now, I'm going to curl back up with this incredibly hot man that I somehow have in my bed and my furry family for a few extra minutes of shut eye before I have to go play dress up.

TENS has turned out to be the sadistic boyfriend I never wanted..

So after much conversation and squeezing in at my doctor's office I finally got a TENS unit.

Like most relationships, it was new and I was excited. Oh the possibilities!

Then it showed it's ugly flaws and it became not so fun.

Wires.

I fucking hate wires. They got caught everywhere, tangle, pull, etc. I can't stand it. It makes me see red.

I decided I could try to get past it though. Humans do have one of the larger brains on the planet.

So then comes the blindly in love portion of the relationship. TENS was freaking awesome.

I could actually go up steps fairly normally. Whee!

So I decide to go out exploring and enjoying my new found experiences.

I went shopping with my grandparents.

We're at store four, this is a new broken hip record for me. I'm really starting to think TENS and I can get along.

Then, it happens. The point where everything you believed turns into a giant lie.

The fucking battery died. Much like the chemistry, and my percocet.

We're 10% into a giant Wal-Mart shopping trip and everything shuts down.

I'm about ready to have a sobbing break-up fit in the middle of the produce section.

And it's not just any battery. TENS takes a special kind of charge. There was no hope.

I had to go on without it.

By the time we were 30% through I was limping and whimpering like an injured puppy.

I gave up, and accepted my defeat as gracefully as possible on a Wal-Mart bench.

Bastard.

My grandparents return for me and I have a gleam of hope. Almost home for drugs!

And fail. 100+ customers and two registers. Typical Wal-Mart cliche I know, but I wish I was lying. I really do.

I tried to stand in line with my grandparents, I mean really I'm a quarter their age. The look on my face must have said it all though; my Pop shooshed me to go sit down.

I shamelessly stole a bench seat from an old lady and waited what seemed like ages.

They come back empty handed and proclaim; "Let's just go, we're leaving it!"

I was horrified. The only response I could muster was "Oh hell no! I struggled though this shit and we're not going home empty handed! I don't care if I have to sit on the floor in line."

My grandparents begrudgingly went to go back, when alas more registers opened! Hallelujah! And whatever other religious shit you can come up with.

So now I'm home licking my proverbial wounds and planning an orgy with my dependable friends with benefits; Flexeril, Morphine, and Percocet.

Maybe we'll try again tomorrow, but the trust is lost TENS. It's lost.