Mourning the Alive

It's no big secret that I've been a little emotional lately. Hormones, multiple sclerosis flaring, pain, and stress are all taking their toll.

We made a run out to the lab to drop off samples, and decided to stop at the rebuilt Sheetz in Shoemakersville on our way home to check it out. Neither of us had been there yet since it reopened.

It's really nice. They have an indoor and outdoor seating area, an awesome soda and milkshake bar, the new MTO is snazzy, and they have a soft-serve icecream and frozen yogurt section with a ton of topping choices.

The increase in steroids has me starving but we're flat broke. I wanted a frozen yogurt bad and had quite the sad that we couldn't get one. Then I noticed a sign bragging about their wage increase and had the realization that if I was still working I'd be making over $50k a year by now.

I can't even afford a damn frozen yogurt to satiate my Prednisone fueled hunger.

Next thing you know, the tears started welling up. It really caught Chris off guard as he was trying to figure out what happened. Trying to explain what was wrong made it that much worse.

Borrowed Time?

MS is a tricky disease. While plenty of sources will tell you that MS is not a fatal diagnosis, it's not without its dangers. I'm a member of multiple support groups and what not for multiple sclerosis online, and it's pretty common place to see about a member passing on or taken too soon. It's generally from what is considered 'complications of the disease'. Treatment gone wrong, infections that can't be treated because of our screwed up immune system, lesions affecting vital processes. Depression leading to suicide. I recently saw a 'taken too soon' post for someone with MS even younger than me. It's easy to see and think 'wow, they must have been really advanced', but the reality is that's almost been me a few times now. The scare with all the blood clots in my lungs could have been really, really, bad.