Surviving

It's been a rough couple of days here. Work has been busy for Chris. Finances are tight as the animals needed a ton of items replenished this week. I saved about 50$ with coupons though which helped. My immune system is up to no good. I've been noticing small things the past week or so layering on top of my recent extreme fatigue. Missing when I go to grab things, frequent stumbling, mixing up words, dropping things. While it's sparse and barely noticeable to anyone else, it all stands out like an emergency siren to me. Symptoms of my MS are generally rarer anymore unless there's a trigger like heat, and they've been increasing in frequency and severity all of the sudden. Last night when we went to the store I developed a bad tremor in my left hand while pushing the cart, and I stumbled about six times. Then I later developed spasticity in my right hip and it has yet to give me relief. I'm struggling with stairs, and limping when I walk. I'm hoping with some rest it will all calm down, but it's starting to look like it's adding up to a relapse. If it continues to get worse in severity I'll need to go see my neurologist and get on a solumedrol drip before I lose my ability to walk all together. As much as I hate solumedrol, I enjoy walking. I'm trying really hard to be optimistic that it's just a passing exacerbation from stress or whatever, but as the frequency and severity builds I'm soon going to have to be a realist.

Yesterday morning my great-grandmother, Ada passed away in her sleep; shortly before her 96th birthday and shortly after the five-year anniversary of her husband's passing. Before you offer me your sympathy, I am okay. Many people don't even have the opportunity to meet their great-grandparents. I had fabulous great-grandparents that lived a long and rich life. I have many fond memories of her and she will live on in the hearts of those she touched and the lives and love resulting from hers. Ada was a kind, loving, and hard-working woman. Her home was always spotless. My fondest memories of her include all of her baking with fake-ass chocolate (carob) that she was always trying to feed me with, and when we were in the nursing home together after I broke my hip and she kept lecturing all of the nurses to take better care of me. She was stricken with Alzheimer's many years ago and her lucid moments had become far and few between anymore. She is at peace now and lived a long full life. Please keep my grandmother in your thoughts though as she struggles coping with the loss of her mother. While my grandmother is Christian and finds peace knowing that her parents are reunited in heaven and no longer suffering; she still hurts from their absence. I've been doing my best to comfort her. While to a stranger she'd seem to be handling it really well, I can tell she is not. Much like me, she is a stress cleaner.

Please check out the lovely obituary my grandmother put in the paper for Ada here.

It is also near the anniversary of the passing of a dear friend of mine, which weighs heavy on my heart.

Chris and I did some errands today. He only worked a half day today, and got some decent tips which helped us out. I need to dig out a dress for Thursday's services and wash it. I know it's wrinkly because of where I have it, and my great-grandmother would disapprove of wrinkles at her service.

There's a looming number of things I need to get done around the apartment, but I've been just trying to relax and curb this flare. Earlier I refilled my meds for the week and reordered a few. I'm going to get up shortly though and make a good dinner. We've been living on snacks and potato bread sandwiches the past few days because I haven't been feeling so well.

My Mom had an appointment with my rheumatologist today. She was diagnosed with fibromyalgia shortly after my birth, and with my recent diagnosi, she asked her doctor about running some lab tests on her. Turned out my Mom had never been tested for auto-immune disease, and came up positive when just recently tested. I find it very reckless that her doctors never tested her considering fibromyalgia is more a disease of exclusion, but I'm glad she's looking into it now. Plus, since she's my Mom, and she doesn't have the added complication of MS, I'm hoping maybe looking into her immune system will help give some answers about mine.

But yeah, that's life right now. It's going to be one of those weeks more focused on survival than anything else, so don't be surprised if I'm a bit quiet.