I haven't blogged in quite some time.
I've been busy living life and adjusting to my new normal.
Even though I'm not quite sure what that is yet.
I started a new chemotherapy in March that has worked wonders for my ability to function day to day, yet my inflammation markers continue to climb up and up.
Today's actually the crappiest I've felt in quite some time, but I'm hoping its just a result of over doing it. I do that a lot, still. Learning new limits is hard.
I got a long awaited tattoo.
Did some fishing with my husband.
Had a yard sale and been working on some organizing projects in our home.
Been taking some time to just enjoy the small things.
My Mom got a dog, Scotty.
I got a glorious care package from +Jennifur Thrush.
Chris' birthday is coming up in a week. I've been doing my best to plan it with what little means I have. I hope he's not disappointed. I love holidays, but most times my heart and my wallet don't line up.
I got him Assasin's Creed Syndicate Gold Edition with some of the money I made at the yard sale for his birthday. And of course I gave it to him early. He's busy playing that as I blog.
When I had a yard sale over at my Uncle's last week my cousin Cheyenne informed me that she's doing a project at school about me. It's a project about heroes. Apparently she considers me one. It was ridiculously flattering, and caught me off guard. I don't get to hang out with them nearly as much as I'd like, and to think I have enough impression on their lives to be considered a 'hero' blew my mind.
I had some jokes with Chris about what a terrible influence I am to have anyone looking up to me. It made for some laughs, but he proclaimed that in all seriousness, I am actually a really good person. Underneath my crude language and shenanigans that is. Which, I suppose I am. I do on occasion start some antics and poorly influence some adults, but over all, I've had a good run of things.
Cheyenne called me this afternoon to read her project to me and my heart swelled much like the Grinch.
She knew a surprising amount about my diseases and medication. I think sometimes we under estimate how much kids can understand about different things. I generally try to shield them from the gory details.
She wanted to know if she had missed anything in her report that makes me a 'hero'. That was tough. Trying to help her, yet not feel like a boasting moron.
Her project's adorable though, and I'm ridiculously flattered. I'll try to steal a copy and share it some time.
In all honesty, it's made me self-reflect a lot lately. I talk a lot about how important each person is, and how our stories have such a massive impact on the world around us. Yet sometimes, I don't take into account just how much affect my own story has. How much influence I have on those around me.
People are quick to say 'oh you're such an inspiration!', but I generally don't really take it to heart. Sometimes I think I suffer from a bit of impostor syndrome.
But yeah, that's my life right now. Fighting the good fight. Trying to adjust to my new normal on the days I'm feeling better. And trying not to lose my shit in discouragment on the days I'm not. I'll try to write more for you guys again. I have plenty to write about. I've just been packing my days too full of crap. By the end of the day I'm crashing in exhaustion without the spoons to write with. Which, I need to do better at anyways. It seems to be catching up with me.
New chemo isn't fully in my system yet. I'm not sure if today's a result of bad weather and over doing it, or if the chemo's wearing off already. Only time will tell.
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