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Friday, January 29, 2016

Static

Things are really rough for me right now. My doctors have me tapering down off of steroids so they can see what symptoms all flare up exactly. They're hoping to figure out if I possibly have systemic vasculitis, and how to treat me well enough that I don't need steroids to function. While they're great for calming down a messed up immune system; steroids are really bad for you and come with a myriad of side effects such as thinning bones, muscle wasting, organ damage, and weight gain.

I dropped to 10mgs, my lowest tolerance on Monday, and by Wednesday I could feel everything start to flare up. My entire existence hurts. I emailed my doctor and let her know that things were flaring up already and she messaged me back that she put in a standing lab order to evaluate my inflammation markers that she'd like me to get done weekly before our Monday follow-ups on my taper. I got it done today in hopes that she'd have it in time for our appointment Monday morning. Within a few hours she emailed me, lab results were back already. My inflammation markers almost doubled within a few days. Higher than they've tested in months. I expressed that not only was I not kidding about feeling like shit already, but that I was quite serious about not being able to get under 10mgs of Prednisone. While she said she didn't doubt me (she yells at me for under exaggerating), having the frequent labs to track the process for Jefferson makes it even better.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

The Cycle of Shitty Self-Care

Yesterday I had my Tysabri infusion. I'm down to 10mgs of Prednisone a day, my lowest tolerance. And it's methotrexate day.

To say I feel like garbage is an understatement.

I've found that the days you need proper self-care the most, are the days that it's the hardest to do.

Last night I wouldn't even get myself a drink out of the fridge because the juice was behind a whole bunch of crap, and I just couldn't be bothered to move it all.

Feeling like crap literally sucks all of your motivation like a vampire.

While doing things that wind up making you feel even crappier isn't very smart, it just happens. I forgot to take my night time meds last night, in which was half of my steroid dose for the day. I woke up this morning feeling absolutely terrible. I took my morning dose and it took about two hours until I could stand myself again.

Forgetting to take a med I'm already sick from tapering is not good, but when you're not feeling well these are the things that happen.

Nutrition goes to hell because you don't have the energy or pain tolerance to cook a decent from scratch meal.

Dehydration happens because you don't feel well enough to even go get yourself a drink.

Med doses get skipped because you fall asleep early and forget.

Muscles get even stiffer and sorer because it hurts too much to move.

It's an ugly ugly cycle. One you have to do the best you can to control. I've learned to ask for help. Chris is in the kitchen right now cooking dinner, which he rarely does. You have to learn to leave other things go. Some things really just don't need to get done right now.

What do you do to help maintain self-care when you're not feeling well?

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Schwoopieeeeee

I'm a giant child from time to time. Being able to have fun and laugh is important. We were at the dollar store the other day to pick up animal cookies and crackers. They've been my go to snack as of lately. They're cheap and not all that bad for you. A coin machine thinger caught my eye that had 'rocket balloons' with 'schwoopie sound effects'.
After nudging Chris and insisting he look at it, he bought me one.

He blew it up for me, and the results were hilarious. It takes a ton of lung power to blow it up for a few seconds of laughs, but it was totally worth it. Especially since I wasn't the one blowing it up, hah. The animals were freaking out about it. It eventually broke and I was pretty sad, but it was the best fifty cents we spent in awhile.

You can watch some funny videos I took of it below!



Schwoopie Balloon!

Posted by Trisha Amanda Archeval on Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Schwoopie Balloon!

Posted by Trisha Amanda Archeval on Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Schwoopie Balloon!

Posted by Trisha Amanda Archeval on Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Schwoopie Balloon!

Posted by Trisha Amanda Archeval on Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Snowmageddon!

The past few days have been crazy, and I've been slacking on writing a blog. Friday night started Blizzard 2016, otherwise known as Snowmageddon.

Chris and Daisy kept an eye on the progress outside Friday night.


Tux experienced his first snow, and snow ball. He was not amused. He wanted to murder it.


Daisy and him kept an eye on the snow from our TV room window.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Gotta Get the Milk!!

Today was a SUPER busy day. I had a huge to do list from my doctors and I was determined to make a dent in it. 

Chris and I stayed up until about 4am, our sleep schedule is all screwed up. I was fasting since ten so I could get all of my labs done today. Chris attempted to hide in the kitchen to eat yogurt because he felt bad I couldn't eat.

By six my sugar was tanking bad. I woke up drenched in sweat and it was in the low 70's. They put me on medication to lower my glucose levels because the steroids were making it go so high. Now that I'm on lower doses of steroids though I have to snack constantly or my sugar crashes. That doesn't mix well with fasting.

As soon as the lab opened we headed up to Hamburg to the Reading Hospital satellite lab to start getting stuff done. I had lab orders from four different doctors. Jefferson orders and what not needed to be manually entered into the computer, and then she had to sort through between all the orders for duplicates and put in a bagillion diagnosis codes. It took forever.

Phlebotomists aren't allowed to access my port, you need special training, so she had to hunt around and find a vein. My veins suck and blow really easily. I'm sure partly from heavy chronic steroid use, but also maybe because of this whole vasculitis theory. The first few tubes went okay, but the last three the blood was flowing so slow. It was painstaking until she could get enough to complete the orders. The poor million people in line behind me were probably all 'Gawrd!'.

After the blood draw Chris stopped at Taco Bell and grabbed me two breakfast taco thingers from their value menu before I died. I nommed on them on the way to the Quest lab in Hamburg. I finally got my JC titer drawn that I'm super overdue on. It has to get run by Quest because Biogen (the drug company that owns Tysabri) pays for it and uses that lab specifically. The lady that works at the Quest is really good. She can always find a vein on me no problem. When she saw my other stick she was all '???' and I explained I had just had other labs done. She tried to convince me to get my routine labs done there, but I like keeping my labs all in the Reading MyChart system. Having as much accessible in one place as possible is crucial when there's so much going on.

After that we headed home for a bit. I made a bunch of phone calls and emails to my local doctors, tried to follow up on insurance approval for Tysabri this coming Tuesday, and then Chris and I went back to bed for a little bit. We had only slept like two hours so far by that point.

I couldn't sleep very long like usual, but Chris was sleeping really good. I called my grandparents to see what they were doing and they weren't busy so I snuck back out with them. I dropped off samples at the Reading Satellite lab in Leesport, and then got some X-rays done for Jefferson. I went along with my grandmother to the grocery store while she stocked up necessities. Which reminds me of this funny video my Mom sent me the other day.Don't  react like this guy:


Just a heads up, there is a chance of snow tomorrow during the day. Don't react like this guy:
Posted by 92.9 The BULL on Tuesday, February 3, 2015

When I got home I made some phone calls to the records release department at the hospital to get some discs made up for Jefferson that I have to pick up tomorrow. The PCP called for Chris; he has to go back in on Monday to follow-up on this damn infection he has. I'm hoping they give him a note to return to work when he's there, but they think he may need another round of antibiotics. I should find out tomorrow if I'm positive for it or not.

Chris stayed up and played Saints Row: Reelected and I laid down for a nap. The busy day had me pooped. Our schedule is so screwed up. Now we're both up watching Netflix, and trying to plan our day tomorrow. I need to make a meal too. Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital and pick up records for Jefferson, and I'm hoping to go to the Social Security office. I still haven't changed my name there since getting married. It sucks that Chris is missing work, but I'm trying to take advantage of the time he's home and get stuff done. And we get to get snowed in together in our first blizzard this weekend!

I have to wait for insurance approval of my MRIs and then I have a bunch of tests I need to try to schedule all on the same day in Philly. That'll probably take about two weeks until I hear back about that. I haven't been up to 25mgs of Prednisone for very long, so we dumped me back down to 10mgs today. Anything under ten is when things seem to go to complete shit. After a few days of being back down to ten it'll be time to start tapering lower. The longer I'm under ten the sicker I'm going to get. It's going to start to get rough after awhile.

One day at a time. Hopefully some temporary discomfort will turn into permanently getting better.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Be an Oean

So, because it deems being said again;

I could maybe get fucking BETTER

I blew up all of my local doctor's voicemails and inboxes this afternoon freaking out about this theory and how likely it sounds. It's crazy and beyond rare. It's also really dangerous, and to the degree I'd have it super fatal if untreated.

My PCP is going to monitor me while I drop my steroids to try to avoid the whole dying thing in case this dude's crazy theory is right.

It's going to really be a trying time for me. I am going to get really really sick for awhile, but IF he's right, this could be the first step in getting god damn BETTER. Something I thought was lost to me.

I've been god damned giddy all day. Chris keeps warning me not to get too excited because no matter how great it sounds it's still just a chance. A very rare terrible potentially fatal chance at getting better.

Time to get my shit together and be the ocean. Time to show life who's in charge.




A Light at the End?

Tuesday was a really big day for me. I had my second appointment with the rheumatology specialist at Jefferson University Hospital, and my first appointment with the head of the neurology department at Jefferson Neuroscience.

My doctors here are awesome, and doing the best they can with the resources they have. The science and equipment available at Philly to help is remarkable though, and offers fresh hope for me. I'm so glad all the doctors are on board with working together and understanding. I was originally worried someone would wind up butthurt because I was seeking another opinion. It's thankfully not the case at all though.

I'm really glad we left as early as we did because commuter traffic at that time was terrible. It took almost three hours, double what it should. We got there literally just in time for my first appointment. This was my third trip there so figuring out parking and where I was going wasn't nearly as time consuming. I'm starting to get the lay of the land. We had to check in and get security badges made up. The guy who did ours butchered Chris', but I'm sort of glad he did because it added some humor to the entire day. The black & white copy of his license photo looks like a terrible serial killer mugshot. Plus, I don't even know how to explain what happened to his last name. So, we have an alias now if we ever decide to go all Bonnie & Clyde if I become terminal or something. The Arcob's causing mayhem abound! I mean fine, there wouldn't be much point of an alias if I went terminal, but it was the star of some pretty imaginative scenarios and good laughs. Humor and a positive attitude is a powerful thing. Never underestimate it.

My first appointment was the neurology one. The entire appointment was unreal. It was exactly how you'd expect an appointment with something as serious as brain damage to go, but something I've never experienced. Technologies not available to us here yet. Once we were checked in a medical assistant took us back and took my vitals. Some serious vitals. It was a good twenty minute process. She even measured my balance & gait! I had to walk the length of a hallway on this mat full of sensors. It uploaded my steps onto a computer that measures your balance, weight distribution, stride, etc. They can monitor how your gait changes that way with time to see if you're progressing or getting better! It was really cool. I know, I know. The weird things that excite you when you're sick.

After that we got taken to an exam room where we met my nurse practitioner. My doctor has two practitioners that work with him constantly and I was assigned one that will be my treatment advocate is the best way I can think of to explain it. She hung out with me for awhile and took down my entire history since I started having MS problems, went over medications, pulled up labs and MRIs, and talked about what I was hoping to accomplish. She did a thorough neuro exam. I didn't do bad on most of it, but I tanked some spatial awareness tests. When the doctor came in she presented all of it to him for me, made sure she didn't miss anything, and then sat in for the entire appointment. When the doctor left she hung out with me for awhile still and made sure I understood everything he said, didn't have any unanswered questions, and knew what I needed to accomplish next. When I call for anything she'll always be the person I deal with, so I never need to worry that I'm talking to someone that has no clue what's going on. I really really like how they do things.

The doctor's really cool. He reminds me a lot of my neurologist at home, Kolva. He's this stocky unkempt Russian guy, with a deep accent and a unique sense of humor. Not only is he the head of neurology at Jefferson, but he's an immunologist as well. He's fascinated that my immune system pretty much attacks everything. While I have brain damage consistent with MS, I also have some aggressive atypical damage which has him concerned about a rare severe type of systemic or CNS vasculitis coming from my RA. And could be why I'm progressing even while on proper MS treatment. It's pretty much still your immune system being a dickhole and fucking up your brain, just for a different reason. A reason they know how to stop.

Interestingly enough, severe vasculitis is treated with chemotherapies like Rituxan. Rituxan was the treatment that made me feel the best so far, but I had severe reactions to it so they wouldn't let me stay on it. Reactions that could have been the result of massive cytokine death because it was working that well. I really think this dude might be on to something. Which is everything I've been praying to the universe for with going to Jefferson.

It could be that I have damage to my brain that they know how to stop. Damage that's currently unchecked because I could be taking the entirely wrong medication, aimed at the wrong part of my immune system. A super rare CNS vasculitis further complicating everything else I have going on.

Could be.

I have a ton of tests to get done. A buttload of work on my hands, but it could mean answers. It could mean getting better. It was a conversation a doctor hasn't had with me in a long time, and one of the main highlights of my trip to Philly. I could actually still get better. It's something I haven't thought about in a long time. I've just been trying to not get worse. Hope is a dangerous thing to hand someone, but it's something I desperately needed.

I have stacks of paperwork, prescriptions, labs, and tests to deal with. Most of which need to be done in Philly, and scheduled as efficiently as possible. It's not easy needing all of these tests and appointments so far from home, but totally worth it.

Chris doesn't want me to get my hopes up too high. It's really rare. It's also really dangerous (it can be fatal for tons of reasons, unchecked continuous brain damage, BLOOD CLOTS *cough*), but it's fucking treatable. You can read about it here if you'd like.

My mind is blown. No one's ever talked to me about this. I guess because it's that rare. I had no idea there was anything besides MS that could cause such severe brain damage. Going to Jefferson has beyond exceeded my hopes. I kind of want to make an appointment with my PCP just to give her a hug for making me go and rattle on about this exciting theory.

Every ounce of me wants to run with it and start treatment now. I want it to be right, I want to get better. But, it might not be the case. I need to do my due diligence and wait and see. The most pain staking part of being sick. Waiting for the tests, waiting for someone else to piece the puzzle together and shout 'Eureka!'.

Another awesome aspect of this angle is that it would open up a universe of treatment options for my RA. Which brings me to my next appointment!

After Dr. Leist blew my mind we went back to the car to regroup. My neurology appointment had taken about three hours. We had a little under two hours left until it was time for my rheumatology appointment across the street. Chris wanted to nap in the car because we hardly got any sleep. I attempted, but I was way to excited and full of questions and theories. I fidgeted around organizing paperwork and lab results, cleaning the car. I'm a nervous cleaner, and ruined Chris' hopes of a nap.

He wandered out with me to find a bathroom and hit up the food truck I've been dying to try the past two times we were there. They had an awesome chicken and rice platter for five bucks. Everything about being ServSafe certified and immunosuppressed says that food trucks are a terrible idea, but I like to live dangerously. Plus, steroids. I was not disappointed. By the time I was done nomming it was time to go see the rheumatologist.

She confirmed what I already knew, that I most definitely do have rheumatoid arthritis. I don't know if my damaged brain could have handled one more potentially life-changing differential diagnosis. She was fascinated by the neurologist's theory of systemic vasculitis resulting from my RA and eager to discuss it with him. She said I also most definitely have severe fibromyalgia. She added neurontin onto my list of crap I'm supposed to take, but after personally researching the side effects and what not I'm not sure of the risk versus reward yet.

Our main topic of conversation was steroids. I want completely off of them. She fears I may have developed Secondary Addison's from long term use and wants to get me down to 2.5mgs a day for now just in case. It's going to suck. The steroids are a gigantic band-aid right now. But it's a band-aid causing a whole other plethora of problems such as Cushing's syndrome. Ripping the band-aid off no matter how slowly is going to make everything flare that isn't under control. I want off, and they want to see what happens when I'm off. They're committed to fixing whatever happens, but until they can figure out how it's going to suck asshole.

We talked about lifestyle changes Chris and I have been making. We're trying to live healthier to create a better foundation over all. One of those big changes is how we eat and snack. We've cut out a lot of processed foods, and snack primarily on yogurt now. Yogurt is great for me on a probiotic level, plus some of the proteins in yogurt will help me get rid of the Cushing's syndrome. And, it's a healthy delicious snack.

Just look at our fridge, that's a lot of yogurt! I think we have pretty much every flavor in creation.

A fact that surprised both myself and my doctors is that I lost over thirty pounds since last year despite my heavy steroid use. I knew I lost some weight, but I didn't think it was that much. It makes them and me that much more optimistic that the weights going to shed off when I drop the 'roids.

Also on the aspect of lifestyle changes, the neurologist would like me to attempt to afford a Luminosity subscription to help with my cognitive function, and my rheumatologist wants me to take up an at-home yoga or Tai-Chi. I'll be stalking +Tara Gregory's stuff to figure out my own fat-kid yoga routine. Maybe I can even get +Chris Archeval to give it a go with me. While they'd prefer I go to physical therapy or legit classes it's not feasible. We have very open and honest communication because I need results and real manageable changes. Physical therapy and classes are exorbitantly expensive, and we can't afford it. Plus there's the transportation issue. Figuring out an at-home routine is a compromise I can manage that will yield results. Patients are quick to agree to treatment options that are not lifestyle compatible just to make their doctor happy and it results in failure on all ends.

If only I was as flexible as my adorable bastard of a cat whose chilling with me while I blog.

Daisy and Chris are still in bed in a coma practically. It was a long day in Philly, and took us about two hours to get home. We went to bed around eight. We were that tired. We got up around 1am for about two hours and ate something, and went back to bed. Chris is still sleeping like ten hours later.
My grandparents surprised us and got some stuff done around our house for us while we were gone. While I've been big on being independent with upkeep and projects for numerous reasons, it was a nice break. Plus she actually didn't hide half of my shit for a change. Open, honest, and respectful communication is a beautiful thing.

It's time for me to wake my husband, as we have much to do yet before the world shuts down for the day. He's still fighting off this damn campylobactor infection which is trying to ruin our lives. I wish that was the least bit dramatic. I still need to get tested for it too. Phone calls to doctors and the health department must be made, I have my pile of amazingness to dig into for Jefferson, and all of my local doctors to update.

Life is about to get a bit crazy for me for awhile, and I'm going to be in a world of hurt and suck in the very near future. For a change though, there's a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. Or is it just the beginning?

Monday, January 18, 2016

The Never Ending 'Flu'

Ever lay awake in bed with a thought so poignant it just begs to be written down? That's what this blog post is.

The weather has been insane here lately. It's been an unseasonably warm winter. Thunderstorms when there should be snowstorms. It goes from near 80 degrees one day, to 40 the next. 

As a result everyone's getting sick. Acute illnesses are no fun, and it's damn near expected to be down and out from them. Most people hide in bed, or gravitate to an area most comfortable. Stay in comfortable clothing, eat comfort foods, and skip out on any current responsibilities. It's not only tolerated by others, it's expected and encouraged. Why? Because being sick sucks. You want to be as comfortable as possible, and do as little as possible. Anything to ease the discomfort. Anything to speed recovery.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Frozen Yogurt

Chris took me out last night to Sheetz so I could meet Kristen and get a sundae. I was super excited.

There's a billion different flavor options. I taste tested a few and decided to go with the peanut butter cookie dough frozen yogurt. The grape ape ice cream flavor was really good too. I smothered mine in toppings and got to chat with Kristen for a little bit. I shared it with Chris on the way home. I had a bit of a derp moment mid-conversation with Kristen, but thankfully she was patient. I've been losing track of my conversations really bad lately. I'll be mid sentence or thought, and all of the sudden -- Poof! It's super frustrating, especially if someone doesn't understand. Chris is good at usually getting me back on track.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Pulling the Plug

Sometimes people can really surprise you. Today definetely turned into one of those days. There's a lot of people helping Chris and I squeak by right now. Especially my Mom. My health insurance alone costs more than our rent a month. When so much focus goes into simply affording survival, there isn't room left for certain indulgences. Especially not without the guilt of what other thing could be being handled instead. 

I wrote a post yesterday about our visit to Sheetz, and some of the emotions it invoked. I worked there for over six years, my life was vastly different. Including being much more financially secure. I talked about my grief related to mourning that life that's now gone. I also mentioned being sad that I couldn't get a frozen yogurt.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Mourning the Alive

It's no big secret that I've been a little emotional lately. Hormones, multiple sclerosis flaring, pain, and stress are all taking their toll.

We made a run out to the lab to drop off samples, and decided to stop at the rebuilt Sheetz in Shoemakersville on our way home to check it out. Neither of us had been there yet since it reopened.

It's really nice. They have an indoor and outdoor seating area, an awesome soda and milkshake bar, the new MTO is snazzy, and they have a soft-serve icecream and frozen yogurt section with a ton of topping choices.

The increase in steroids has me starving but we're flat broke. I wanted a frozen yogurt bad and had quite the sad that we couldn't get one. Then I noticed a sign bragging about their wage increase and had the realization that if I was still working I'd be making over $50k a year by now.

I can't even afford a damn frozen yogurt to satiate my Prednisone fueled hunger.

Next thing you know, the tears started welling up. It really caught Chris off guard as he was trying to figure out what happened. Trying to explain what was wrong made it that much worse.

Borrowed Time?

MS is a tricky disease. While plenty of sources will tell you that MS is not a fatal diagnosis, it's not without its dangers. I'm a member of multiple support groups and what not for multiple sclerosis online, and it's pretty common place to see about a member passing on or taken too soon. It's generally from what is considered 'complications of the disease'. Treatment gone wrong, infections that can't be treated because of our screwed up immune system, lesions affecting vital processes. Depression leading to suicide. I recently saw a 'taken too soon' post for someone with MS even younger than me. It's easy to see and think 'wow, they must have been really advanced', but the reality is that's almost been me a few times now. The scare with all the blood clots in my lungs could have been really, really, bad.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Meth

Today, has been a terrible terrible day. It all started out with getting our mail. All we got in the mail today was a single piece of mail, from the PA Department of Health. So I was all 'Heyyy derpenstein this looks important!' And Chris was all 'garbleaksgjwoiegaslkbna' because he was still in bed, but he said I could open it. So I open it and see this:

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

My Pains Have Pain!

Ugh. There's so much I want to get done. As I pace around my apartment though looking over my options none of it seems like an appealing venture for tonight. I want so badly to be the motivated superwoman wife for my husband, but today just isn't one of those days. And it doesn't seem to be anything good intentions and a 'can do' attitude is going to remedy. Most of the basic chores are done. I haven't washed dishes, and I still have a basket of laundry left to put away. Neither of which will take long when I actually do them. 

Piggy Tails

I am struggling hard to find energy today. There's so much I want to do. So many projects I could be taking on right now, and all I want to do is cuddle up in my blankies and take a damn nap. I don't even need Netflix or anything. Hell, writing this blog right now is taking up too much energy even. I tried coffee too.

Chris got home from work around two last night, and we stayed up until about five. I was up and down most of the morning from 7am on. At 11 I surrendered and stayed up. You'd think for as tired as I am I could get some damn sleep, but that's the kicker. If I give in and go take a nap I really won't sleep tonight, but probably even without a nap when it comes time for sleep I won't be able to. Stupid brain. At least it's not as bad as what it was pre-Tysabri. I would be sleep deprived to near the point of insanity. Hallucination inducing sleep deprived. It's not fun.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Not Today Either!

I was out with my Pop the other day, and we were talking about the Powerball jackpot being so high. He said the first thing he'd do if he won was donate to St Jude's Children's Hospital. It kind of caught me off guard, and surprised me a bit. He talked passionately about all the good they do for sick children, while running on donations. My Pop doesn't really talk about causes, charities, or politics. It's usually fishing, cooking, or gardening. To hear him so passionate about a charity was surprising, but in a good way. His birthday is coming up at the end of the month, and I wasn't sure what to get for him. I think we might order him some address labels from St Jude's and make a small donation in his name.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Not Todayy

Today's been really quiet. I couldn't sleep, again. I was up most of the night and just hung out in the TV room while Chris slept. He got up around lunch time. We heated up some leftover cabbage and watched the rest of Burn Notice. We finished the series today. Now what are we going to watch? Gah! We'll find something else on Netflix to dive into I'm sure. Going to give Firefly a chance while we ponder. There's only 14 episodes, but I've heard a lot of people praise it and want it back. The episodes are oddly long.

Daisy's been super huffy today, not sure what that's all about. Her life is so rough. My lungs have been hurting. Not sure why. It could be irritation from having bronchitis I suppose, but Chris was all worried about blood clots. I checked my oxygen level and that's okay, 98%, so meh.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

My Ruff Needs Ruffing!

Chris had off from work on Saturday; it seemed like the day flew by so fast. I think it was in part because we stayed up really late Friday night and slept in pretty late on Saturday. We have a membership to a local museum, so we can visit for free as often as we want throughout the year. Chris got it for me for Valentine's last year, and we'll be renewing it. We took advantage of it yesterday. It makes for a cheap, if not free date night, and it's great even if I'm in a flare. There's benches all over the museum, so there's plenty of places for me to chill if need be, and it's naturally a quiet space so I don't get overwhelmed. Plus, elevators! There's even a planetarium! It has super limited hours though, so we actually haven't even gotten to go yet. Sort of shocking considering how much we both enjoy astronomy.

The museum changes out a lot of the displays quite regularly, so it's never just the same old thing either. And apparently with my memory some of the more stationary displays still wind up being a fun new experience. One of my favorite areas is the rocks and fossils. Upon entering that area yesterday I was all 'Ooooh, look at that!', and Chris was all 'Babe, that was there last time..' and I was all....'Shutup, I don't remember, and it's cool.'

I mean really, just look at his stupid little arms. That must have been incredibly inconvenient.

Dinosaurs and things from such eras fascinate me, and spark my imagination.

This visit I was sure to take our camera for a change. You can't photograph all of the displays unfortunately, but some of them you can. Maybe with some pictures by next time I'll still remember this silly dinosaur.

Bacteria Babies

My Pop helped me put some magnetized latches on my cabinets on Friday. Tuxington was enjoying hiding in the cabinets far too much. Tried putting a rubber band around the handles which worked for a few months, but he's figured out how to wiggle his way in now despite them. We don't want him trapesing around in our cookware, or sniffing around at cleaning supplies. Unless he starts doing some serious lifts, these should keep him out.

I haven't been getting anything really extraordinary done lately. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm under no obligation to be a gladiator every day, but that I need not get discouraged and give up either. It's a balancing act, trying to encourage and push yourself, but not to push too hard. My rheumatoid arthritis has been pretty damn stable since I stopped dicking around with my steroid levels. I think 10-15mgs is going to end up being a necessary evil for me.  I don't forsee too much extra getting done today. I need to do a few chores around the house, and make a run to Wally World before I cook dinner. The nice part about how organized I have our home by this point is it doesn't take much at all to make it look pretty damn decent in here. While there's a number of projects left on my 'to do' list, the overall standard of cleanliness and organization isn't hard at all to maintain at this point, even on a rest day.

Friday, January 8, 2016

It's a Good Day for a Nap...

Chris is off to work already today. He had less than eight hours between his shifts. He didn't get much sleep, and I got even less sleep.

There's a serious nap in my future.

Started off the day straightening up around the house. I lost my balance picking up laundry and tipped over onto my ass. Chris heard the thud and asked if I was okay. The only thing really hurt being my pride I told him I was, but that he needed to get up and get ready for work. I'm pretty sure he wound up being a few minutes late, but in all fairness no one should really be scheduled like that.

Daisy and Tuxington are already settled in on the couch napping together. Daisy's snoring away. They're so stinking cute. But it just makes me want to settle in for a nap all the more.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Unpacking My Baggage.

The story of how my diagnosis came to be, is one that very few people know the whole of besides my husband, until now...

Growing up my step-father was a raging alcoholic. My Mom and I were both abused, while she got the brunt of it. I think we both broke in different ways. We moved around a great deal. A lot of things got lost, broken, or left behind along the way. So many places and tubs became a catch all of things important that were saved yet never used. Never unpacked, or found in the obscure box they were shoved into. It's only recently I've been finally working through those things. Finding proper homes for that worth keeping, and moving on from what was not. I've cleared through a ridiculous amount of storage from my childhood. Sold vintage toys on Ebay, burned old love letters, found homes for precious trinkets.

A few items bring back precious memories, other items acting as the only proof of an event's existence. I've recently began sorting through an old jewelry box, my latest project. I have an updated more functional version to organize my jewelry better, and I have another on my 'to purchase' list to assist even more. I have a habit of collecting pressed pennies from places I go. They got their own drawer. Some of the trips I remember well. Some trips the copper trinket serves as the only convincing element that I was ever there.

I document my life meticulously now, especially moments of importance. My memory is terrible due to having multiple sclerosis. It's one of my most affected areas of brain damage.

It's safe to say that over time we all become a different person. We grow, mature, make mistakes, and ultimately become a summation of our experiences. What happens though when you can't remember the experiences you're a summation of?

A Fork in the ...Toe?

Oi have I been busy. My body's been going crazy for some reason. Getting sick probably riled up my immune system good. Rheumatoid and fibro have everything hurting. MS has my fine motor skills all screwed up, shocking nerve pain, tremors, balance issues, and some serious verbal vocabulary problems.

The insomnia isn't helping much either. When I do sleep I've been having such vivid nightmares that my screaming wakes Chris up, and he in turn wakes me up.
 

It's frustrating, but I'm doing the best I can to manage despite it. I've settled in to 10-15mgs of Prednisone a day again. That's been helping a great deal with symptom management, but I've been constantly starving in result.

I really need to go get lab work done sometime very soon. My JC virus testing is way past due. I haven't gotten my regular labs done for my rheumatologist in awhile, and my PCP has wanted some labs from me for awhile now.

Chris was off on Monday; it was also his pay day. I didn't really press to run errands though because I knew he's been feeling a bit run down since he's been sick. We didn't really have anything of urgent need either. We filled the gas tank, hit up the bank, grabbed some lunch and went home. Spent the day together playing video games and what not.

I've been super busy. Undecorating from Christmas, working on some little projects around the house, and a ton of fun stuff from the wedding is showing up. We got videos from my Uncle, pictures from the photographer, and a lot of memory keeping to do! The pictures are gorgeous. It's hard to decide what to put where.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Secret Santa

As many of you know, I spent a few years volunteering undercover to help with pedophile stings. It was really rewarding work. I miss it. I met some amazing people and travelled to some cool places along the way. I kept in touch with many of the people I worked with, and some of them are some of the best friends I have. Sadly they all live ridiculously far away. Most years we do a Secret Santa of some sort. I always participate because I have a serious Christmas problem.
My gift arrived from Rita today, and it was huge! The paper was so adorable. Once I realized just how many presents were inside I decided I had to go sit down to open it, and took it into the other room, haha. She had a really nice pet bed inside the box which I took out first, took the tags off and taped the washing instructions to the cardboard tag and put it with my manuals. I'm OCD like that. I have a bad memory, but I have a system of where to put things, and where to find instructions for things! Haha. It works pretty good most of the time. Daisy immediately investigated it when I put it down. Tux was busy playing in the box as I unwrapped things.

 

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Wedding Video!

I know there were a number of you that live way too far away to have come to our wedding, so this is for you!

You can see our ceremony, hear our vows, watch me cry, get a tremor, and try not to fall on my face! It'll be like you were there, without having to leave your pajamas.

But in all seriousness, we're pretty adorable, and our ceremony was beautiful. 
Not that I'm partial or anything.

Also if you're researching handfasting ceremonies, this is a great example! I composed our ceremony from lots of pieces of other handfasting ceremonies I found while researching, and made it so that family could be involved which I think made it much more special. Feel free to message me with any questions about handfasting!

It's Alive!

Today was a quiet day. We slept in until eleven-ish. We were up late last night discussing whether or not the toaster from The Brave Little Toaster was alive, or a robot. Chris is convinced they were all robots. The argument carried over onto Facebook. The majority of people agree with me, yet Chris still refuses to be swayed. He insists that since it's a inanimate object it must be a robot with artificial intelligence. By that theory though that would mean all the toys in Toy Story were robots too. He's silly. I'm so glad that this is the type of arguments we have in our marriage. If you want to check out the fun on Facebook feel free to here:


So Chris and I lay here talking about the lamest shit at night. Settle our argument Facebook! Are the appliances from the Brave Little Toaster robots or alive with consciousnesses??

Sunday, January 3, 2016

A Line of a Different Color?

Today's been an off day for me. I didn't get much sleep and I've been trying to talk myself into doing things. It's mainly resulted in me fumbling around the apartment doing some light chores and eyeballing all the things I keep telling myself I need to get done.

I wish I could feel less guilty about lazy days...er...weeks, and take the time I need to get my spoons back before I try to take on the world, or even our tiny apartment again. It never works that way though. All I see are the things I should be doing, or should have gotten done by now. I expend so much energy fretting about trying to take care of me instead of it, that it would probably be easier and healthier just to do it. That is if my list wasn't impossibly long.

Everywhere I look is a project that should be getting done in the time I've spent hiding under the blankets. It's really hard to convince myself otherwise.

I know my body needs the time right now though. I'm sick, battling changes in steroids, and fending off a flare. If only the tiny voice inside my head would figure that out.

The cat's been wrestling with Daisy's bed in the kitchen for nearly an hour now. He stalks, pounces, and rolls around the kitchen with it repeatedly. I think he's practicing to murder me.

I went into the kitchen earlier for a drink and totally had my mind blown. It's known that we all experience the same reality in very different ways. Just ask a police sketch artist. In general though, we can expect that we will experience reality the same way time and time again.