Ugh. There's so much I want to get done. As I pace around my apartment though looking over my options none of it seems like an appealing venture for tonight. I want so badly to be the motivated superwoman wife for my husband, but today just isn't one of those days. And it doesn't seem to be anything good intentions and a 'can do' attitude is going to remedy. Most of the basic chores are done. I haven't washed dishes, and I still have a basket of laundry left to put away. Neither of which will take long when I actually do them. 
I tried to start a project, and decided to do one that I could do while sedentary; working on my scrapbooking. I was actually pretty excited to work on it, even though it's a huge task to take on. I need better supplies though. I'm out of tape, own no glue, and I need a scrapbook. I was originally going to use our guest book from the wedding as a platform for our scrapbook. It's really pretty, and only one page actually got used. We didn't have a huge wedding. What it has in beauty, it lacks in functionality though. Pages are already starting to rip out of it and it's barely been handled. It won't hold up as a scrapbook. I'm considering gutting and rebinding it with metal rings. That leaves me with no book currently for my project though, which killed that as quickly as it began.
Days where Chris is working, and I don't accomplish much of anything carry a bag of guilt with them for me. I know he supports me not working anymore, but I still feel like I should be doing something while he's at work. I mean hell, even blogging contributes to the household a bit at least. I should really give myself credit. For awhile I would spend weeks, months in bed between flares and depression. Now I won't cut myself even one lazy day. I strive to be a better and healthier person because of my husband, but I need to learn to just rest sometimes as well.
My rheumatoid arthritis has been flared up in my hips since yesterday, but my joint I got a cortisone injection in in my hand is finally getting better at least. My multiple sclerosis hasn't calmed back down yet. I noticed yesterday when I was addressing envelopes the spasticity in my hands/arms was giving me issues with writing. That's never happened before. New symptoms like that always create an even deeper pit in my stomach. I don't hand write things often though, so who knows how long it's been an issue.
I take tizanidine to help with spasticity, but I don't take it like I should because it makes me so tired. I love that all the side effects of tizanidine are symptoms of MS. It gets to the point with prescription medication that you can't tell what's from side effects and what's from your disease anymore. I try to stay on the least amount of medications that I can. Most of what I'm on now are pain killers, supplements, and immunosuppressants.
It's kind of ridiculous just how many pain killers I'm on, especially since I'm still in so much pain despite them. I've considered seeing pain management to maybe try some type of pain patch, but I've heard some horror stories with those as well. Right now I'm on Tramadol, Mobic, Oxycodone, Cymbalta, and Tylenol for pain. Nerve pain, joint pain, MS pain, RA pain, fibro pain, trauma pain. My fucking pains have pains. I can't even imagine what I could do with my life if there was a way to be pain free again. You can only tough it out so much.
Tomorrow's methotrexate day again already to add insult to injury. It feels like I just did my last injection. My body was pretty accustomed to it, but it's been hitting me harder since they increased the dose. I feel for cancer patients and what not that get IV drips of this crap. I can't imagine how bad that must suck.
Chris works tomorrow yet and then he has a day off. We have to go to Philly next week for two appointments at Jefferson. Neurology, and rheumatology. I should really get labs drawn so I have an updated CRP and Sed-rate for when I go.
Sheetz is in the local news right now for significantly raising their already competitive wages. Man, I can only imagine the money I'd have banked by now if I still had my job. I'd love to go back for a ton of different reasons, but I know it's just not realistic.
Time to go finish the chores at least, and maybe work on my closet project a bit!
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