Brand New Kind of Free

I had to drive to therapy today, my grandparents were to busy.

I was stressed out, and didn't want to drive. I didn't have a choice though. 

I took a deep breath and got in the car.

The road by my house was empty, it gave me time to reflect and relax.

I have never taken a detour. I go to therapy and home, and can not wait to get to each destination. My heart hits my stomach constantly. My eyes frequently well up with tears I fight back.

The fear owned me.

I've fought a number of battles in my life to get me where I was.

I still wasn't happy with that place though.

To many sacrifices had to be made to get there.

Sacrifices that effected my entire future.

This accident, felt like getting hit by a wrecking ball in more ways then one. 

It knocked down so many things that I built up.

Today I realized though, that a lot of the pieces that I really need are still here.

And I've even added a few more.

Some of the pieces that are missing, opened a space to fit in new ones that I wanted in their place.

I've gone through a number of difficult things in my life. Far more than some people probably ever will. I feared this would be the one that would take me down. It's limiting, painful, stressful, angering, and so very much more.

But, I am stronger than it. And I am putting the pieces back together.

I made a stop. I stopped at the hardware store for something I needed for my bathroom.

Waiting to pull out I kept picturing all of the horrible ways I could get hit by another car trying to get back on the highway. I blocked it out. Waited a bit longer for traffic to be clear then a normal driver would, but that's okay.

I got to therapy and I was fine.

I left therapy, and I made another stop. I got a coffee and a doughnut. I parked in a non-handicap spot and I walked inside. It hurt like a bitch after therapy, especially having to wait for my coffee, but I was okay. Trying to figure out how to get back into my car was a bitch holding all that shit, but I was okay.

Heading towards home this song came on the radio.

It was inspiring, and I got lost in thought while I was driving. For once though it wasn't thought about how each car could do something stupid and hit me and how I could avoid it.

I've never left anything in my life stop me, and I'm not about to start.

I faced my fear and drove through Leesport. My heart was pounding. I had to put the A/C on. If you're local, you know how fucking cold it is right now. The fear had me on fire.

But, I did it. I went through the intersection that almost killed me, and I was okay.

I'm going to be okay.

It's been awhile, I'm not who I was before.

Don't be surprised

If I talk a little louder

If I speak up when you're wrong

If I walk a little taller

If you noticed that I'm different

Don't take it personally

Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me

And it ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of free

Oh, it took a long long road to get here

It took a brave brave girl to try

I've taken one too many excuses, one too many lies

Don't be surprised, oh see you look surprised

Hey, if you were a friend, you'd want to get to know me again

If you were worth the while

You'd be happy to see me smile

I'm not expecting sorry

I'm too busy finding myself

I got this

I found me, I found me, yeah

I don't need your opinion

I'm not waiting for your okay

I'll never be perfect, but at least now I'm brave

Now, my heart is open

And I can finally breathe

Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of free

This ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of me

Don't be mad, it's a brand new time for me.