Life sure has been crazy since this accident.
I have good days, awful days, and tons of days in between.
If you're reading this, thanks for being there through all of them.
Some of you have been more supportive then I could have ever imagined.
Others, their true colors really shown.
I've even lost contact with some family since I can't be as helpful, or because I'm more limited.
Some people that I've personally went above and beyond for during their tough times turned their back on me.
And you know what? It's fine. I wouldn't take back the good things I did for them regardless. I'm not that kind of person. Unfortunately, not everyone is as empathetic as I am.
Yes, many many people have it far worse than I. And I encourage them to reach out, to journal their experience, and to bitch as much as necessary.
After seeing how many fair weather friends I had actually acquired, I pulled my journaling from my Facebook, to my blog. To share with others, and perhaps help those in a similar situation.
Comments were made about the frequency of my posts. Hello. Maybe you haven't noticed, but I'm stuck in an apartment alone besides my pets. For a great period of time unable to do pretty much anything including walk and wipe my own ass. Things get a little boring, and the lack of human communication is a bit maddening. Excuse me for reaching out.
Comments were also made about my negativity. Gee, I'm sorry. While some people use their Facebook to smugly bitch about other people doing trivial things, stalk people, and other nonsense, I was using mine to connect and share what was/is one of the hardest times of my life. I'm sorry if getting my hip broken doesn't always involve sunshine blaring out of my asshole.
It was even compared to the fact that children with cancer are always so happy, yet I have the nerve to be upset.
Seriously?
I have the utmost respect and sympathy for people battling things much more awful and fatal then what I'm enduring. Children with cancer are not always happy though. Children also do not have bills they have to work to pay, or concerns over whether or not their paycheck will be messed up, or how they're going to work, or where they're going to work. Or how they're going to clean their house, transport to places, pay for insurance and prescriptions, and more. I would be a lot fucking happier to if I was a child, but I'm not.
I'm an adult, in the real world, with giant responsibilities. After working myself from government housing to a high pay grade, and being knocked back to welfare. Trying to figure out how to pick all the pieces the fuck back up and put them back together again so I can actually function in the real world without having to live on your tax dime.
My apologies that it isn't all unicorns and fucking rainbows.
It blows my mind the insensitive shit that comes out of peoples mouths.
So for those of you that have stuck through this with me, I commend you, and thank you.
You've been there through the great days, and the shit days. You don't judge me for not censoring/sugar coating my experience into rainbow bullshit that just isn't true.
I don't want someone in the same situation as I am in looking for someone else to relate to, and see someone spewing all this bullshit about how easy and great it is, and wondering where they're going wrong. It's not.
It fucking sucks.
One of these fine days it'll get better, and stay better. I'm glad I know which friends I can truly count on when I get there.
Much love to those of you that are there, you know who you are.
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